Is sex a comfortable topic for you?
I’m wondering to myself why it is that sex is very often an uncomfortable topic for some of us mid-life adults, many of whom are sexually active?
Are your feelings around sex positive or negative or a mix?
What are the negative feelings that the word sex seems to bring up? I think it can bring up feelings of embarrassment, potential sleaze, discomfort, pressure, fear of being drawn into something, fear of failure or mockery. By contrast positive sex involves feelings of connection to our physical and emotional self, sharing and closeness to a partner, pleasure, self-discovery, an adrenalin and endorphin rush followed by feelings of well-being. So, what is causing the disconnect between these two pictures? Maybe it’s conditioning maybe it’s partner fatigue?
In my experience, sex is rarely discussed in a positive and helpful way. Beyond basic biology not many of us have had any sex education, certainly nothing empowering and positive. We were brought up on fumbling rather than strongly and boldly going there. Not many of us confidently own our sexuality. Which is a bit crazy given that it’s such a basic part of who we are as human beings.
For some of us, the first mentions of sex involved religious education on the shame of pleasure and the sin of masturbation, which could even make you go blind. There may have been inappropriate sex in our past, which has caused damage to our sense of ourselves and our sexuality.
Is it reasonable and healthy that sex should be a very private area that should be left alone? Maybe it is. However, I think sex and sexuality is a huge subject and one that can be explored on many levels to our advantage. It’s worth having another look at the topic from the new vantage point of mid-life with our personal priorities at heart.
I’ve found it immensely helpful to hear Emily Power Smith on the radio. She is clear and uninhibited, open and sensitive.
Through her blogs on My Second Spring and her talk in The Merrion Hotel last May she has helped open up a dialogue for me, and others, and given many the gift of better connection with ourselves and our sexuality. You might also be interested to read a recent blog on My Second Spring by Anna Mooney about a new book Re-Coupling by Jo Rapini.
Emily will be speaking at The Merrion Hotel on 6th November at 7pm. Join us for a glass of wine before the talk.